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What would you do if a guy asked you to have sex on the first date? Would you squint at him, thinking that perhaps he’d bumped his head? Would you move fast and quickly slap him across his face, wondering what his mama taught him? Would you be so furiously offended that you’d walk straight out of his life, never see him again? Or maybe…just maybe…you’d sleep with him…or not.

Here’s a suggestion…and of course…it’s only a suggestion. If you could actually compose yourself long enough, you might be able to get down to the bottom of a few intriguing facts that make guys tick. Before deciding that this guy you bought new stocking for isn’t worth the $15 you spent on them, you might want to take a minute to look him straight in the eye and simply ask him, why exactly, he thinks you should sleep with him. You may end up liking the answer…or at the very least, enjoy watching him come up with one! Now granted, before we take this any further, we must first assume for the moment that the guy you are out with is not a loose screw to begin with. We must also assume that you actually used some essence of good judgment skills, before taking up his offer to date him in the first place. We should even go as far to assume that he’s actually a nice guy with enough brain cells in his head to provide you with an answer that is honest, sensible and tactful. Otherwise, if you’re out with a waste-of-time kind of guy, you already know the answer he will most likely provide and shouldn’t bother asking…but…enough about that kind of guy, let’s focus on the date with sense!

Foremost, the man who is willing to ask you to have sex with him on the first date is being honest. Typically, there are two types honest guy…the extremely mature honest guy and the extremely immature honest guy. Those in the middle will probably not ask for fear of rejection or because they most likely feel compelled, if not conditioned to follow the more traditional “rules” of dating. The extremely mature guy is comfortable enough with himself to express what he feels. He will respect your decision either way, he will treat you like a gentleman before, during and after the sex—even if it didn’t turn out that great, and he will kindly but sincerely let you down easy if he is not feeling inclined to move the relationship further. The extremely immature guy will fumble about and probably slip out from his vocal chords something really irritating or offensive. You’d be able to spot him right away because he’ll most likely do everything opposite of Mr. Mature.

So what exactly would the extremely mature gent say if you asked him why you should sleep with him? If he is truly able to articulate it, he will tell you that he is innately physical by nature and that many, if not most, men naturally approach relationships and bonding through sex. If you allow him, not only is he able to express his appreciation about being with you but he will also feel more connected with you as you progress forward. He’ll tell you that the decision is yours and that he is perfectly fine with either decision you make but that he atleast wanted to be honest with you about his needs and desire for you.

So, what would you do if a guy asked you to have sex with him on the first date? The decision is yours but just remember that if you give him a chance to explain, you might just learn a little more about him…and you.

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So everyone wants to have hot, burning, passionate sex with their partner but few realize that the stage for passion is set way before the physical even begins.

Let’s first assume that when you and your significant other sit down and talk about how to better understand each other sexually, most likely neither one of you suddenly gets all worked up and ready to dim the lights, turn on some Barry White and take each other to erotic euphoria. I’m willing to bet the house on this one. Sometimes these very conversations lead to more misunderstanding, frustration or even closed doors with one of you on the other side.

Here’s the deal, you may not need Barry White (at the moment) or dim lights to get you in the mood but what you do have is each other right now in the present. One thing to remember is that sexuality is energy. Sometimes it’s not what you say but the energy behind how you say it. Sometimes it’s not the words at all but the vitality within the person saying it. The point is that two people can say whatever they want but true passion comes from true connection. How you connect with your partner out of the bedroom will determine how you connect in the bedroom.

For example, too often, we are quick to tell our partners what we want. This is a good thing to do…at the right time…but sometimes it is best to instead be the listener and listen to what your partner needs. This gives your partner an opportunity to share and feel how much you care about their needs as well as yours.
We also like to assume our partner knows how to do what it is that we like in bed. This is a great opportunity to show your partner. You can do a mock demonstration, use hand gestures or even draw on a piece of paper. The point here is not necessarily in showing how the act is done but the fun and playful connection that occurs in the demonstrating.

Connections have to be natural and genuine in order to be true connections. It is a subtle blend of giving and accepting, playing, sharing and enjoying.

If both partners feel that they can be their true selves before jumping into bed, I guarantee both will feel more inclined to allow full expression under the sheets. Full expression is true passion and true passion leads to great sex!

What suggestions would you like to add to help others enhance their “love connection”?

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Sex on the first date is a hot topic but what about kissing? There are some experts out there who can’t seem to agree on whether or not even holding hands on the first date is appropriate, let alone kissing…but who is to say what is appropriate, unless you are the one doing the kissing…or holding?

Kissing on or after a first date has its benefits. For one, kissing gives you an idea of the chemistry between you without having to go all the way. It might even provide a glimpse into the future as to how it might be sexually. Kissing can also just be a great way to end a nice evening or date and lets the other know you’d like to explore further. If there is no immediate chemistry, often a kiss can stir the emotions or instigate some sort of a spark.

So what kind of kiss would be appropriate on a first date? Well, that depends on you, the person you are with and how the date is going or went.

A kiss on the cheek at the end of the night could either suggest your date is super polite and a bit traditional or it might just mean “I had a good time but I don’t want to lead you on.” A quick peck on the lips is similar to the kiss on the cheek but definitely suggests some interest and leaves room for further exploration or another date. A soft romantic kiss on the lips definitely indicates interest and chemistry. There would be much confusion ahead for one or both parties if a second date didn’t occur. A full-fledged, tongue-wagging, French kiss implies that either the date went really well, you both really really like each other or you are in the middle of fumbling for your keys because sex is about to happen any minute. It could also just mean you’ve both had way too much to drink. Which ever type of kiss you choose though should match the kind of date you’ve had and the feelings about it between you. Either one is “appropriate” as long as both parties invite and enjoy it.

When is it not a great idea to kiss on a first date? Well, you definitely don’t want to kiss if you know that you don’t want to go on a second date or you don’t want to leave any sort of impression that you’re interested. If anything, a kiss on the cheek in this instance would be fine. You also might want to stay away from locking lips if your date’s oral hygiene is in question or you simply are not ready for it in this early stage in the relationship.

The decision is yours and highly personal, so if your date went well and you both find yourselves just standing there staring at each other’s lips, then by all means moisten those smoochers, pucker up and enjoy!

Tell us about your worst first date kiss in the comment section below!

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Guys Only Want One Thing!

One absurd perception that contaminates the relationship and dating atmosphere is “men never want to talk about their feelings!” or “all guys are commitment phobic!” and worst of all, “guys only want one thing!” The pollution goes on and on—but here’s the truth… men really DO want to discuss their feelings…and men DO want intimacy and commitment. Men pretty much want the same things that women want, they just arrive at that conclusion from a different place.  This is where it can get tricky and often sets the stage for gross misinterpretation. Men are fact seeking, cut and dry, basic and simple hunters by nature.  For men, survival means to move…and to move fast.  So, in relating to women, it’s pretty much the same thing. They see a woman and go in to conquer.

Simply put, men generally want to get to the point…which for him is sex first because he doesn’t want to waste his or her time. Sex lets him know straight away if it’s a good fit (figuratively and literally) or not. If he determines it’s a good fit, he’ll want to continue to explore all of the other aspects in relationships that lead to further intimacy and ultimate fulfillment with the woman he now feels connected to (now that he’s had sex with her).  Women, on the other hand, tend to want to connect first before having sex. Herein lies the difference.

Women need to feel connected in order to have sex, men need to have sex in order to feel connected.

Neither is right or wrong, just an indicator of how the two differ.  So, instead of getting frustrated, angry or resentful and instead of trying to change him, manipulate him or tell him to never call you again, just try to simply understand him. It doesn’t mean you have to make a decision or change who you are, it simply means that now you have a better understanding and perspective about the true nature of men.  It means you now have in your capacity to see the situation for what it is…nothing more, nothing less. It minimizes confusion, expectation and disappointment.  It increases awareness, more appropriate choices and myriad opportunities for better communication about what your needs are, as well as his.

Do men only want one thing? No. Do they want what women want? Pretty much. Do they arrive there from a different place than women? Yes.  With that myth dispelled, a new perspective and opportunity is born.

What’s your perception of what men want from women?

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So maybe you already subscribe to a certain “rule” that serves as the foundation to your dating freedom or security. Perhaps you are comfortable with this golden rule that you abide by no matter the scenario, and are confident that no matter the outcome, you’re completely satisfied and content. Congratulations! You have your answer to a controversial question that eludes many of us—to “do it” or “not to do it” on the first date—that is the question! Therefore, the remainder of this post will simply serve to support your position on whether to have sex on the first date…or the 30th!

Here’s the deal—most people know there isn’t really a special formula to dating. Either you’re interested in a person or you’re not. Most people are initially attracted to one another, based primarily on physical appeal (initially). So, let’s say you meet a guy and you think he’s HOT…well, at least you know you’re physically attracted to him—so sex might be a definite option…right? Of course!

However, just because you’re physically attracted doesn’t mean you have to go to bed with him. As the date unfolds, and you determine you like his conversation, the way he thinks, his irresistible cologne and you’ve subconsciously made it up in your mind that when he asks if you’d like to go back to his place to show you his latest “project” that the deed is going down…then go for it—if that’s what you want to do. Most likely, at this point, if your mind is made up then it doesn’t really matter if it’s the first date or next week. You already know that you want to jump into the love sack.

Realistically, most women are just like men. They know if they want to take it to the sheets sooner than later. Women have simply learned to mask the desire and have trained themselves to wait (even when she really doesn’t want to wait). The reality is pretty much what everyone on the planet has come to conclude—it doesn’t matter if it happens on the first date or the ninth date. It doesn’t matter if she waits 48 hours, a week or six months before sleeping with a guy. There is no certainty in time that guarantees whether or not a committed relationship will form at some point in the thereafter.

It merely boils down to each individual woman and what she is open or closed to as each individual situation arises. It doesn’t really matter what the guy thinks of her choice because if he’s the kind of guy that cannot support that she has a choice…he may not be the guy she wants to further invest in, anyway. Neither choice makes her right or wrong because it is hers to make. It just means (hopefully, if she’s doing exactly what she wants to do because she wants to) that she made a choice that works for her.

With that said, let’s be very clear. I’m not saying women should have sex on the 1st date…or the 30th. There are people who have sex on the 1st date and go on to have a great relationship—some people even get married. Then there are some who have sex on the 1st date and don’t develop anything further with the person much less ever see them again. There are no guarantees either way. When a woman knows herself—her values, worth, purpose, and intentions, then and only then can she be very clear of her expectations (if any) when she decides to empower herself with the decision to be intimate with a man on the 1st date or the ninth date, if at all…the message here is…the decision is all hers.

How do you feel about sex on the first date? Does it matter to you?

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